I wrote this at the beginning of the pandemic almost a year ago on May 14th, 2020, thinking that I would have something relevant to say. At the time, I could not post it. I felt diminished, without purpose, my words held no relevance for me. My gigs had all been cancelled and the future of my life as I knew it was being threatened. Posting this felt vulnerable in a way I could not cope with. I find that today, fully vaccinated and with a live performance in near future, I am okay. Although many of my friends were in similar and even more difficult circumstances, my reaction is valid and my own. So here we go:
I find myself a procrastinator on a good day, but during the last few weeks my creative drive has diminished to almost nil. I watch the news and see all the death and sickness that is ignored and downplayed by the people in power and am disgusted. I watch the economy come to its knees, and am worried about what that means for my creative life.
Don’t get me wrong, I know next to nothing about economics and politics. I strive to stay informed but mostly live in my own bubble, peaking out occasionally to see what’s what. What I do know, is that a healthy economy allows the Arts to flourish. Without funds, creativity is for only the creator. It has no outlet, no audience, and no lifeline to support the creator. Without support, base needs are not met. Worries like “how do I eat?”, “how to I keep a roof over my head?”, “what will tomorrow look like?”, weigh over the creative inspiration. Creativity morphs into survival mode.
For me, I am lucky. I have dipped my toes in many pools. I co-own a coffee shop, I teach, I perform. I have a drive to have projects that keep me from ever sitting still. This means that I have been lucky enough to retain some of my income sources through all of this sadness and chaos. But what truly motivates me, performance, is gone. Poof! And how do I go forward. I can only press on day by day, look forward, and seek the light at the end of the tunnel.